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Despair

It hurt severely – it came as soon as it went. Like the waves breaking on the shore, the ebb and flow continued to mess her mind. It slowly scattered her to pieces. Her body lost the war first. Her tears flowed as if they did not belong to her. Breaths came in quick succession. She was trapped. The pain unbearable, she wondered how her brain was still intact. Hands tied, legs tired and immovable, she awaited her fate…

The room of pain has no colour. The sick yellow walls; pale and haunting, have tales of horror etched on them. If only they could speak, they would narrate volumes. No one is spared in here. Screams are standard, followed by torture, torment, and despair. No respite. Figures in white come and go. The ones in black wait outside, occasionally peeking in. They take mental notes as if ticking off names on their list.

There is not one such room but many. The nurse's wheel in and out people. Some leave with a smile that comes after hours of agony. Some leave but only physically. Mental and emotional deaths were shared here.

At night when the creatures rested, search for peace seemed the only way out. But as the morning sun rose, hope seeped out at first light. There was no escaping. This was destiny. People in white stuck their hand in time after time, tearing away at her, drawing blood, pushing, scraping, and pressing. Pricked, cut, stitched, she was dismantled and put back together more than once. She was empty yet full.

Plagued with guilt and sadness, her faint heart beat erratically. Yet, the creature within her rested. It rested in peace when she suffered. As if afflicted with a rare disease, members in white watched on, touching her softly, whispering among them, offering a bleak future.

The machines beeped on as everyone left her and the room. ‘Would tomorrow be too late?’ She wondered. No one could answer this. The creature would leave of its own accord. This was a test she had to suffer. She had to bear on, her heart and mind betrayed her as they continued the battle.

With morning light, she felt awash with a new feeling of pain and horror unimaginable. She felt as if she would burst as they wheeled her out. She saw delight looks passed on by the ones in black. Frightened faces bid her goodbye. The creature had woken up and was on its way out.

*It is five months today filled with pain, regret, and despair. I think of her often - how big she would have grown by now and dream of her future which I am to never be a part of...

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