Do we know? Always? That we are going to die someday? Or is it something that happens when you grow old and feel that yeah, I could be next? Does one want to be next? Confusing. My ma says killing yourself is the biggest sin ever and it is a cowardly act. I am not convinced. Nor have I ever thought of committing something like this. I know I won't do it. But what about those who don't want to live anymore?
My Nani [maternal grandma] died last Wednesday. She had been suffering for a long time now. Hallucinations, Alzheimer [partially] and old age. In the recent past, she would always ask my ma whether ma had consulted the astrologer or not. But why an astrologer? She wanted to know when would her time come. She was sad. Old, frail and dependent like many grandparents become.
I have a few pictures of her of when she was young. A beautiful lady and my ma takes after her. Its difficult to find resemblances in the same person now and then. Her death was very sudden. Sudden because she was recuperating. One moment my cousin was helping her in the loo and next she was gone. My ma was in shock the entire night.
But life goes on, doesn't it? It does. We are all back on track. Ma is doing okay. Finally we have accepted that she died in peace and find consolation in this.
Just in the beginning of the year, I lost my young aunt. She was seven months pregnant. A first successful pregnancy after many failed attempts. But one day she was gone. Uncle tried many doctors and so much more, but in vain. It was food poisoning. No baby. No mother. My uncle was devastated. I have not spoken to him since, I am too scared.
Funny, my aunt did not want to die and my grandma did. I wonder how God grants us wishes. It must be all skewed up there too, just like it is here.