Death - The Ultimate Wish

Do we know? Always? That we are going to die someday? Or is it something that happens when you grow old and feel that yeah, I could be next? Does one want to be next? Confusing. My ma says killing yourself is the biggest sin ever and it is a cowardly act. I am not convinced. Nor have I ever thought of committing something like this. I know I won't do it. But what about those who don't want to live anymore? 

My Nani [maternal grandma] died last Wednesday. She had been suffering for a long time now. Hallucinations, Alzheimer [partially] and old age. In the recent past, she would always ask my ma whether ma had consulted the astrologer or not. But why an astrologer? She wanted to know when would her time come. She was sad. Old, frail and dependent like many grandparents become. 

I have a few pictures of her of when she was young. A beautiful lady and my ma takes after her. Its difficult to find resemblances in the same person now and then. Her death was very sudden. Sudden because she was recuperating. One moment my cousin was helping her in the loo and next she was gone. My ma was in shock the entire night. 

But life goes on, doesn't it? It does. We are all back on track. Ma is doing okay. Finally we have accepted that she died in peace and find consolation in this. 

Just in the beginning of the year, I lost my young aunt. She was seven months pregnant. A first successful pregnancy after many failed attempts. But one day she was gone. Uncle tried many doctors and so much more, but in vain. It was food poisoning. No baby. No mother. My uncle was devastated. I have not spoken to him since, I am too scared. 

Funny, my aunt did not want to die and my grandma did. I wonder how God grants us wishes. It must be all skewed up there too, just like it is here. 


  1. the positive part about dying, is that its as easy as lying down.

    sorry about your aunt and your granny.

    about the comment on my blog, well yeah someday :)
    some fine day when life permits a little leisure devoid of price.

  2. @ Raj

    Aren't we all looking for that 'some fine' day? :)

  3. I am sorry for your loss Nikita.

    I feel that it is pointless to ponder over death. One's own or a loved ones. Rather look at their life. Try to remember the good times. That way a part of them lives on with us and we continue with life the best way we can. My two bits of rare rambling. :)

  4. really?
    whats stopping you from it being today?

  5. Death is envitable.. more than death its the fear of death. and you had seen both the scenarios. time has it all when it calls nothing stops.

  6. sorry for your loss.

    its times like these when the athiest in me pops up big time.

  7. @ Choco

    There is a lot in these ramblings! Thank you! :)

    @ Raj

    I wish I could explain it here...maybe someday!

    @ Insane Mind

    That is a lot of sane thinking. Thanks!

  8. @ blunt_edges

    I have my faith thats it. :)

  9. He who has gone, so we but cherish his memory, abides with us, more potent, nay, more present than the living man. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery

    Love the quote, always works for me when I have to deal with death.

    Sorry for your Grand Mom and Aunt once again.

  10. @ Raj


    @ Sumit

    Thank you! :)

  11. So sorry to hear about your Aunt and granny....may their souls rest in peace.........Even i dont think suicide is a cowardly act, At least i 4 one am not so brave to kill myself. i tried, but just no enough courage. So where is cowardice?

  12. for some reason reminds me of something from finding forrester: "The rest of those who have gone before us cannot steady the unrest of those to follow." try and catch the movie, if you havent already ;)

  13. @ ZB

    I know what you are saying. People blame it on the impulse though...

    @ Mayur

    I will check out the film soon! Thanks for dropping by!

  14. Interesting to see you throwing up a couple of metaphysical questions that has baffled mankind (and me) through ages. Even the upanishads are full of questions related to death and none of them have conclusive answers. Can there be any?

    When I was a small kid I used to be scared of death!. There used to be moments when I would get paranoid thinking that no matter what I do or how I live, one day I will have to die!

    When my grandmother died years ago, I, along with my dad and uncles, bathed her body in the Ganges, applied ghee all over her body and put her on the funeral pyre. I saw her burn and wondered what it was like to die.

    But then, I grew up and realized that dying, for many, is an easier way out of the sufferings of this world. Thats why they commit suicide. And why is there so much suffering and injustice in this world? How can God, who is so perfect and benevolent allow so much of imperfection in His own creation?

    :) I can go on and on on this. But i'll stop. Your post made me thoughtful. I don't exactly remember how I ended up following you on Twitter, but you seem to be a friend/batchmate of Aditi, who happens to be a friend of mine and the girlfriend of my best friend :)

    I liked your posts and I am subscribing to your blog and leaving an open invitation to check out mine, if you can.


  15. @ Shiv

    Thanks for dropping by! And which Aditi are you talking about? What is your Twitter handle?

  16. Well, Nikita, first of all I'm sorry to hear about your gran and your aunt.

    True that some people want to die, they're satisfied and think that they're "done" with whatever they had to. About your aunt, it is REALLY shocking. May peace be onto all your family members. God Bless!

  17. @ Sneha

    Thanks! :) Yes my aunt's news was the most shocking to all of us! She was very young, under 35 actually!

  18. Aditi Srivastav from Sophia's. Saw her in your group photo from college. She was my junior in IBA from where we did MBA. I guess I reached you from her twitter acount only.

    My twitter handle is "skpsmart"

    But unlike you i am not very active on twitter. I just put my blog updates there, when I write a new post.

  19. All well now? Hopefully no more such intentions of ending Ire?

  20. i guess its wen we get tired!! and feel tired even after waking up!! dat we realise we need a longer sleep...not of hours or days...but years!!! dat we decide to say goodbye!!

    and rest is all probability!! when dey say dat every year 1 out of 6 dies of this and that...we soo conveniently place us in the rest of 5...but someone has to be that 1/6

  21. Strangely I have no fear of death, nor do I worry about leaving behind the kids and all of that..what i do worry about a bit is the pain and suffering that is usually associated with dying..death in itself is exciting..

  22. Death is perhpas the only truth

    But make the most of life, like death it too will come only once

  23. N...nice to c ya back in action..take care..and our coffee session week god willing...cheers:)

  24. :(:) but we can't do anything.


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