Friday, 29 May 2009

Knell or bell?

Whenever I think of marriage, my mind is dragged to this silly advertisement of the yore- Panpasand.

Shaadi aur tum se... kabhi nahi!
Then puts Pan pasand in her mouth...
Shaadi aur tum se [giggles] kabhi nahi!

This was the 80s ad. Now the television is bombarding us with Star Vivaah and, Bharat Matrimony and Shaadi.com. I think these complicate our lives further. As if entering the 20s was not enough. I remember the time I wore a saree for my Uncle's wedding. I was 18. Every old ladyat the wedding, told my mother, you should start looking now. She has grown up! Yeah right!!

My uncles went a step further and told me to have a good look around, see which boys I might like and tell them. Well, I was game and cheekily said, "If he is willing to give a solitaire when he proposes to me...well then maybe I will consider him!" That shut my uncles up for good.

I will be celebrating my 24th birthday in November. My aunt and Mama have been telling my mom, start looking. It is difficult to come across good boys these days. My aunt even asked my mum if she should talk to a marriage bureau. Also whether they would prefer a Bengali boy or a Gujrati boy [I am half gujju and half bong].

I guess I will have the last laugh! I have already met my Mr. Right!

I recently found out that a classmate delivered a baby boy. I was so happy and I told my mom. She was like "god! she already has a baby... and you are not even married!"
This was a shocker. My mum should not have said this as she was not really keen that I marry soon.

Enough about me.

Well my friends seem to be going through similar dilemmas.

A few of my classmates and I met up recently. One of them is doing her MBA. When she was done with her grads two years ago, her mother came up to her and asked whether they should start looking for boys. Well, my friend stated that either they get her married right away, else they wait till she finishes her MBA and two years of working. They relented because an MBA looks good on the girl's profile along with other adjectives like soft spoken, docile, homely etc.

She is nearing the completion of her course and now they want her to settle. Is marriage the ultimate goal? What does settling down mean? If she is an MBA and has a good job, is self sufficient, doesn't that mean she is settled? If a boy has all this, then he is settled.

Another friend of mine has met many prospective grooms but nothing has clicked so far. She apparently met a boy she really did like but things went awry. The boy is an IITian from Kharagpur. Her father said that a house is a pre-requisite. But he misintepreted the requirement as an enforced condition.

To add to the woes, the boy's elder sister says that the girl has good background but we did not much check her educational qualifications. What this mean? My pal here is a graduate from the best college in Mumbai and has a PG in Media Communications too. What educational qualifications is she lacking?

This whole business of searching for the right boy/girl is a facade according to me. I understand everyone cannot not have a love marriage. But why this whole grind of name calling or playing the homely chick? Why can't we be ourselves? Isn't the boy or girl going to find out the wild side of us [if any] eventually?

If you are going to spend your whole life with that person, shouldn't he or she know almost everything about you?

I know I will have to face this rubbish until I tell my folks about him. I think it is going to be soon.

14 comments:

Iggy said...

Marriages are shams!!!! Sheesh..I'm gonna be a spinster for LYF! :D

BrownPhantom said...

Ahh..the "looking-for" marriage tales..:)
The sooner, the better you tell ur gharwaalas...
Marraiges0Business is complicated, even more when comes to Arranged ones..

Mihir said...

Hmmm.. i understand your point quite clearly, since last october even one of my friend is in similar dilemma (though she has not found her mr. right, she says she is not ready yet) and has been complaining with every detail to me. In addition complains go further with a tough question to me "u are also of my age, just 23 n u do not have such situations to handle, y?" and many more. i guess will keep it short rt now. may revisit topic in one of my blog later. keep posted :P

Approaching situation with Patience and Preservance is the best solution! do not give much reaction, drop ur bombshell when u find appropriate.

Nikki said...

@ Iggy

My dear I do want to get married when the time is right. I am just not up for all the bullshit that we ought to follow!

@ BrownPhantom

Its totally skewed I tell ya!

@ Mihir

I totally second your thought there!

Standbymind said...

All the best Nikki!

:)

Rashmi said...

I do not support Arrange Marriage at all, and definately not when they are decided on the platform of, oh he's nice, fair, 6 feet tall, works in a MNC, so go marry him and she's very nice, quite, doesnt talks much, cooks good go get her if not anything she'll behave like a holy cow atleast.

Getting a companion can only happen when you can trust someone, feel comfortable with him/her, when you know that s/he respects you and also your choices and basically everything about you and your life and vice versa.

sujata said...

marriage is in a way end of dreams and you can say begining of sanity and a lot of hard work...do it when you are ready for it!! All the best..even the most lovey dovey lover ends up becoming the 'husband' in a marriage..hahahah

Aw.S.M said...

u turn 24!! geez u r old :P..hehe

Well this is how our system works right? The gal is supposed to be docile and timid and the guy runs the family..we live in the 21st century but still none of this has changed. Its kinda sad.

Well at 24..ur turn is coming sugar. The groom hunting is going to get even more frantic and frenzied than b4. Yep you should totally tell your parents about him. That should end all this marriage hullabulla.

luv
amith

Sujoy Bhattacharjee said...

Arranged marriage seems so bad, I wonder how the swayamvars in the olden days might have been.....one glance and then the garland and stuff. Got to ask a certain Rakhi Sawant.

Julia Smith said...

I wish you all the best when you tell your family to stop looking on your behalf. I can't imagine how annoying that must be.

It's hard enough over here in Canada to simply meet people and find someone who doesn't have to fit a whole set of other people's criteria!

There is a rather large Indian group of newcomers to Canada, or even a few generations here, where there is an expectation that the Canadian (of Indian heritage) bride-to-be or groom-to-be will fly back to India and marry someone from there. Imagine! I once dated a guy in high school who was in this situation. I really liked him, but I could tell his mother would have no part of me. And if I couldn't have a close relationship with my family-in-law, I couldn't proceed with the relationship. So after a while, we broke up.

d gypsy! said...

all the best girlie...

i have read pre-marriage blues and such tales of finding mr right at many blogs...of course, the feelin is universal...

also, posts about nagging aunts, persuading moms.. i only wonder how the hell my mom doesnt even mention anythin related ... though m thankful she doesnt

Vinnie said...

ohh! u gotta tell when u gotta tell..all the best for that, girl!

ani_aset said...

i agree with the points you have made here...good job, very well handled

apoorva said...

Star Plus - Mitwa Phool Kamal ke

What happens when pure hate meets pure love?

Emerges the ultimate, most innocent love story, set against the backdrop of the dirty secrets of our bias against the unborn girl child.

This take is set in rural UP against the ultra-traditional backdrop of an upper caste Hindu family, led by Maamchand Choudhry, so hideously conservative that pregnant mothers are made to undergo illegal sonographies to figure out if the child is a boy or a girl and girls are dropped

Watch it online http://tinyurl.com/l2y2nb

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