Wednesday, 20 May 2009

Infidelity...

[image courtesy: http://images-3.redbubble.net]

I lied about the idea block. I do not have a block of any kind. I couldn’t write which is true because I was avoiding this very thing. Now the “this very thing” is infidelity.

I am not practicing this. I don’t have and hopefully will never have any reasons to do so. But there are so many people out there who are into it. It is very disturbing when you know everything and have to keep your mouth shut.

I was meeting a friend recently and we were walking on a promenade when I saw someone I am very close to. They have a lovely child. At the first glance I thought I saw him and his wife. As I was about to wave out to them I realized it’s not his wife. It was the other woman. Now I do not know whether he saw me or not.

There have been major fights in the past and his entire family knows all this. But he promised to come clean and work on their marriage for child’s sake. 

Not happening as far as I can see. So what makes people cheat on their spouses? Is it a bad marriage? If it is, then why not end it? Then do whatever you like. Of course it is not easy. There could be a child involved. But if you knew it wasn't working or don't want to work it out, don't have a child. 

This is not the only thing happening. I recently heard of someone my cousin knows. The guy works a big firm and his wife is in the US of A. Apparently it was a love marriage but now that they are apart, he is dating someone here and she there. Its like a convenience pact between them. So when they finally decide to settle down they will get together.

Will the love be the same? Can they both respect each other? Will they be able to carry on a loyal relationship? I don't think so. 

I have been writing from home these days and ironicaly from the past two days I am writing on the issue of cheating. Tips to find out why is your bf/gf/spouse cheating or if they are, how to nail them! Hence, I am here asking questions to myself. 

Do people cheat because they are bored? If it was so, wouldn't we all be taught to do this? Looks like I am being surrounded with such people and it is freaking me out. I know a couple who recently had a baby. The guy declared he was bored. The reason being, his wife spoke a lot about the baby. Isn't it natural? She is a new mother. She could be bored of him too. But no maybe he lost interest when her belly swelled  up. He forgets the baby is his too. 

I cannot even if I want to justify something here. Is infidelity becoming a norm? Will we all be victims to it? Or we will take the path our parents took and resolve our issues to be a family and love eachother? 

19 comments:

Iggy said...

Infidelity is unforgivable. You can't trust someone if you know they have cheated. It's just sad. Really, really sad.

Himanshu said...

Well written. The way I think of it is - Don't even think too much about it and be sure of what you are getting into. It works for me :)

Nikki said...

@ Iggy

I agree with you. It is unforgivable!

@ Himanshu

I am trying to get into this mode... hope it works for me too!

Rashmi said...

One has to be convinced about his/her own decisions and once made has to be ready to face any consequences that might have. Of course infidelity is just not acceptable in any case, you can choose to rather be honest about it and finish it off in one go, saves both the persons involved a great deal.

Vishal said...

well lot of questions are there why this happened.....?
No one can suggest the perfect answer 4 this....

but "Family-Work (Success in work)-Faith" this trio may help to be faithful to spouse...........

Vinnie said...

chill girl...u r just meeting some losers at the same time!
no, it wont become the norm if u dont want ...just walk out of infidelity:)

Standbymind said...

Well...
I don't know why all this happens.
Maybe they are scared to tell it in face.
Maybe they find it interesting.
There has to something in their head while they do it.

Dream3er said...

just let go .... no point sticking around.

Nikki said...

@ Rashmi

Wish things were this easy!

@ Vishal

I know and everyone knows but how does one still get away from this?

@ Vinnie

I will. I only hope I can.

@ Standbymind

I don't they have anything i their head when they do it. :) Good to see you!

@ Dream3er

Lets hope we never have to suffer this and god forbid, we do, then we can walk away from it!

eye-in-sty-in said...

Infidelity is never good... But yes, the greatest reason for spouses to stray is boredom! Others are adventure, thrill of being caught, emotional gratification and physical gratification. No i'm not an expert at cheating, just happened to read about this somewhere 2 days ago. I think the better way to do it is how the woman in USA is doing... open and mutual. I dont advocate it, but its still better than finding out from someone else. The very fact that both could understand the needs of each other and come up with a practical solution speaks of the strength of the relationship. And if they are that open and honest, then why would they need to cheat? This implies they CAN be faithful to each other, ain't it? Just a thought...

Nikki said...

@ eye-in-sty-in

Hello! You do have an interesting suggestion. But I don't think I am up for it. All I ask is loyalty. If two people who are committed to each other, are bored then reinvent yourself. Of course not by cheating. Open relationships might be cool but not with me.

Thanks for stopping by. TC

sujata said...

hey Nikki, Infedlity has become like surfing channels. Its just the mindset of the generation and its going from bad to worse. We are used to surfing at an unbelievable speed, cant imagine how we managed to watch only doordarshan? Its not about sex, neither about emotions, its the state of the current mind.

Little Girl Lost said...

infidelity is a very sad thing nik. very joyless. of course, i speak as an outsider, but being in a relationship where faithfulness is as natural as love, i tend to think how unhappy must those souls be who have to murk into the mud of unfaithfulness.
insightful words, nik. but don't let it get to you. :)

Ashwathy said...

beautifully written.
u're asking all the right questions.. but there r no right answers. whatever suits one is what one lives with. open relationship suit some, while infidelity is taboo for some.

the problem arises when two ppl with very different expectations enter into a partnership. then the probelms start.
and as is with any marriage, the price is always paid by the child(ren).

sawan said...

infidelity is more lika a convenience these days. you meet, mate and greet each other bye! how easy was that? sad that people are living a dog's life! its not out of freedom, its out of laid back attitude, chaunism, and lack of proper law. its not a defect, its a crime.

Sharad Sharma said...

Infidelity or not depends on the two people involved.. In the case of the two people you mentioned,who are currently dating different people,even though it is not exactly infidelity,their practice is ruining their relationship.

nice post though.

Cheers,
Sharad
Medley

Aw.S.M said...

No way is it acceptable. Not now not ever. Obviously its easier for us to say but think of those involved in marriages and those who have kids. Sometimes for them there is no other way than to forgive and forget.

Trust becomes an issue and u never ever get back to how u were earlier, so yeah in view it def aint acceptable..even if it seems to be the norm nowadays

humanobserver said...

Let us admit that infidelity does exist in our society and the reasons are so many. And for that both men and women are responsible.

Nikki said...

@ Sujata

I know what you mean and I agree. Just trying to get over things.

@ Little Girl Lost

Thanks!

@ Ashwathy

I agree with you too. And the kid is already paying a heavy price.

@ Sawan

You nailed it! It is a crime.

@ Sharad Sharma

Thank you! Keep Visiting.

@ Aw.S.M

You are right too! Things will never be the same again.

@ Humanobserver

Yes. Both are equally responsible. One for doing it and the other to accept it.

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