Saturday, 4 April 2009

Finally...good bye!

[This post is from another blog of mine. I planning to shut it so posting it here...]

Madam jee, rukiye! App ke liye yeh koi deke gaya hai…

Mere liye?

Haan…

Kaun de kar gaya?

Pata nahi…

Three books. He finally returned them. Books had never a part of his agenda before. They were important to her. They still are. He had started reading recently. He read what she suggested. As usual, suggestions or rather getting books from her made life easier for him. This way it did not required much application of thought that is if he thought at all. It took him over a year to return these books and ironically, he was just fifteen minutes away.

But did she have to have them back? Yes, she did.

He was not into reading when they had met. They were poles apart and whoever said, opposites attract was a jerk. Well, ok they were attracted but she had made the mistake of falling in love. She had wanted love and he had wanted a docile girlfriend to show off. Well, he did get what he wanted. It was beautiful for a while or at least it was for her until she remained under this impression.

Initially she gave in to whatever he said. If he asked her to be somewhere, she reached before time. She practically ran errands for him. He never held her hand or did anything at all. But wasn't love all about acceptance? No. Love is also about reciprocation. But some people learn it the hard way round just as she did. He cribbed, cribbed and only cribbed. She gave in. Her dressing was bad, she had no style, always wanted to take a long walk... blah! He wanted to shop, sit at cafes and hog at any food available. He liked showing her off though.

But this routine was tiring and slowly she realized, she was bored. Bored but not because she ran out of loving him. But bored because she realized she was just an object. If something did not go according to a plan, he would put it all on her. He played the blame game as always. She had cried, pleaded and begged for forgiveness. But forgiveness for what? Eventually it dawned on her, that it was he who should have been sorry.

He should have been the one to come begging after her. They had nothing in common. She did not remember any one time that they might have spent out side an expensive restaurant. There were no long romantic walks or discussions whatsoever. It was plain mundane.

All this had begun to bog her. It was frightening that after only two years of seeing each other she was bored, let alone the thought of marriage. But somehow she did not have the courage to break away. One thought constantly nagged her. What would she do without him? How would she ever be able to trust another guy? May be if she gave it time he would change.

Four years and nothing changed. How could he? It was always about him and never about her.

She should have moved on long back. Constant fights led to irritation making it worse. It came to a point where she could not bare him calling her. Everything about him irritated her.

But phones calls can be handy sometimes. One night before her exam, he had called not to wish her but to crib. He had asked to go check out something for him. Of course he had completely forgotten that she had a life apart from him. That had been the last straw.

She finally told him. Told him it was over for good. Suddenly he wasn’t talking. It was all quite. Suddenly she was afraid of what she had said.
Had she done the right thing? Yeah, she had. He was ok and cut the phone.

They spoke the next day too. It was just a ‘hi and bye’. But he never asked her to come back. Never did he once say that he loved her and hence he needed her. Nope, nothing like that.

It was incredible. Four long years and he did not feel anything? It was hard to digest. She had expected him to beg. At least be sorry. But it was just a good bye. No reasons given, no explanations asked for. It was done.

She was told everything is over. Yes, thankfully everything is over. But a question lingers on... shouldn’t he be sorry? But that was never going to happen.

10 comments:

Sujoy Bhattacharjee said...

Very well written portrait of a failed relationship. One which happens quite often....gullible girl with all kinds of romantic notions and an insensitive bozo taking her for a ride.
Nice work!!

Nikki said...

@ Sujoy Bhattacharjee

You know for one of my previous posts, someone asked me whether it stemmed from a real experience and now when I write about my real experience...Thanks!

C R D said...

seems like a real life experience.

i guess the gal shudnt be waiting for him to come bk and say sorry..to move on is to leave the past behind...completely...

she has a life of her own and so dies he.

Cheers
CRD

oh btw..hoping to see ur blog update urls on the bloggeratti community wenever possible :)
Cheers

Sujoy Bhattacharjee said...

I am on good terms with some of Mumbai's hoodlums.
So if you want to get even with anyone.... :)

Iggy said...

Nice, as always! :D

Nikki said...

@ C R D

Hi! I can assure you the girl did not wait for any apologies. I have moved on and am happy! Will remember to do the update bit...

@ Sujoy Bhattacharjee

Arre... Pehle batana tha! LOlz. Thanks dude!

@ Iggy

Thanks love...muahs

Avaran said...

its amazing how people stick on with such kind of relationships even when they are otherwise intelligent enough to know wats good for themselves...
i have a friend who's stuck in such a kind of relationship thats so not meant for her, but for some crazy reason, she persists...
maybe its the fear of the possibility that this one might be the only relationship one is worthy enough to have, or just that you think a known demon is better than th blue...

anyways, nice blog....

Avaran said...

and hey, i didn mean to sound judgemental... jus rationalising something i really cant understand myself... or maybe im just jealous! hmmmph...
anyways good for you that you came out of it

Nikki said...

@ Avaran

Hello! Yes it is true I dont know why I stuck around for so long. Believe me I totally understand your pal's position. There are thousand things that go through one's mind but I hope she is strong and brave enough to come off it soon.

And dont worry about being judgemental. My friends always knew better but it was I who was afraid.

humanobserver said...

No comment. Sujoy's comment and your response was enough for me.

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