Friday, 27 April 2007

I got the news during the study leave, just after my second english paper.But I hardly paid any attention. I couldnt place her, who she was? did i interact with her at all? or have i even seen her in class?Sam told me that she was in the same division as me but i still could remember wat she looked like. Now this isnt the first time something like this was happening. We keep hearing about some or the other student who ends or tries to end his/her life before their results.You know, its a common thing now...maybe a trend but still it is very dificult to register that somebody you knew could kill themselves. We brush it off saying, it was a sad but stupid thing to do. It is easy to say because we dont really know these dead people in reality.

Sam too couldnt believe she could do this as they knew each other for the past five years. They had bunked classes together, played pranks and done everything that you'd expect a bunch of mischievious teenaged girls to do. Suddenly one of them was dead.

" do we know her Samreen?, because i just cant place her in my mind. How does she look?"I asked Sam.
" Nikki, I knew her for the past five years. She was in your class. Very pretty girl, tall, fair. I think they have misunderstood. It cannot be her yaar. She had no reason to commit suicide."

" Did she have a boyfriend that her parents disapproved of any family problem?""No. She was engaged to her boyfriend. Her family was good& very loving."

Then what had gone wrong?(i still couldnt recall what she looked like.)We brushed it off, both of us. One of us not believing that her friend was dead and to me; her face was a blank.

I heard about her all over again from another friend. We were all in the same division till the last year. Suddenly i can see her. Everything came back to me. I had never know her full name before. She was exactly wat Sam had described her to be like. God! she was beautiful. Tall, slim, lovely hair....wat else can you ask for? What is surprising is that she committed suicide beacause her paper did not go well. But then she was never a good student, jsut average. Smart yes, but never very keen. Her choice of the subject she majored in was simple too.

The realisation hit me very hard. Ofcourse I knew her! she was my friend...not a close one but still we spoke quite a bit. We always sat in adjacent benches during our classes, bitched about our stupid male professor. But that was it. I never knew her after class.We met so many times in the corridors and the canteen but never said more than an"Hi!" to each other.She was very real to me now. I remember once in class, I was disappointed that she had cut her hair short and told her so. She had sweetly replied that they would grow back longer in no time.

Why did she have to do it? I dont know. All i ever found out was that she never opened her room again. She had hung herself. What was a normal day to her& her family , had turned into a nightmare. It was a bad dream that came true and that her family especially her parents would live it for the rest of their lives.I didnt cry much but i was shocked and upset. thats all i could do for her. I did not ask Sam about her again. It is over. I will not see her again on the day of our result.Infact no one would see her ever againI have so many questions to ask and there is nobody who can answer me.

Someone told me once, that maybe that it is a very brave moment when people decide to do something like this! But i disagree. I feel there is never an excuse to kill anybody or maybe even ourselves.

Still I cannot change what happened to her. I am sad but thats about it.
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